Some of the victims
I was sitting in primary at church yesterday, looking at all of the beautiful little children singing songs. I counted out 20 children and 7 adults, to try to wrap my mind around the loss Newtown is dealing with. It made my heart hurt to imagine the same thing happening to my community, to sweet little faces that I know. Then a little girl sitting on my lap whispered to me:
"Do you want to know a secret?"
"There are angels in the sky. We just can't see them from the ground."
Oh, my heart. That kind of innocence is worth preserving.
Looking at pictures of the victims, I see my kindergartener- sweet faces still round with baby fat and mischievous eyes. I don't want to take him to school today. In fact, part of me wants to wrap him in bubble wrap and make him wear his bike helmet everywhere, just to be safe.
But...what kind of example would I be if I let fear drive my decisions? I don't want my son to think the world is a frightening place. I want to empower him, not instill fear in him. We learn as adults that the only true monsters are people, and they can't always be stopped by "good guys". But he doesn't know this yet. I don't want him to know yet.
Today, I will drive him to school with a smile on my face. I will hug him goodbye and try not to hold on for too long before he merrily skips into his classroom. I'll watch his blonde head bobbing up the sidewalk until he disappears through the glass doors of his school. I'll think of parents that did this very thing last Friday, not knowing it was the last time they would see their child alive. I will probably cry on the car ride back home, and say a quiet prayer to myself. But he won't know. I'll be brave. I won't let the monsters win.